I ran one half marathon with another one coming up next week. Once again I am not prepared for it. I'm debating even participating but I really want the medal! I don't even care how long it takes me to do it. But it's in the city and I really dread the thought of driving. Right now it will depend on the weather and my mood.
The only other event that happened is news that we found out that my Simba has a cancerous tumor in his nasal cavity. Vet said there's really nothing that can be done at this point since it has spread into his brain. The only visible sign that there is something wrong with him is the swelling the tumor has caused around his left eye. It has deformed his eye and he can't see out of it anymore. But he can still see out of the other eye. Prognosis was "grave" with the possibility of living a few months to a year. He is still very active. He is mobile and functioning so I don't think he is suffering. He still eats like a champ, goes to the bathroom, walks up and down the stairs, things that I don't think if he was suffering he'd be able to do. So for now we just continue to give him lots of love and attention and give him pills to try and slow down the progression of the tumor.
I know it's just a matter of time. I know that in my mind but in my heart I don't want that time to come. Every day that I wake up and see that he is awake and looking at me with his mouth open in a pant is a good day. He does pant a lot and even though it's been hot outside, he still pants heavily in a 70 degree house. I think the tumor is making it hard for him to breathe and that is hard to watch. He loves sitting outside now. Before he never wanted to stay out for more than a few minutes but now he wants to constantly go outside. He rolls around and rubs his face in the grass. I think he wants to rub that tumor out of him. The bad thing is, he wants someone out there with him. He will bark continuously until you take him out. He never did that before. But if that makes him happy, then I will do it. I sat outside with him the other day for 2 hours after work waiting for Brett to come home. I treasure the time I have with him.
I pray he continues to live a happy comfortable life and that when that time comes, he passes in his sleep. I tease and announce that I am doing a wellness check when I come home from work looking for him. He always goes upstairs to lay on his bed when we're gone so it's always a little scary to go in the room to see if he's still alive and well. So far everyday I find him he is sitting there panting and looking at me expectantly. I love it. I love him so much and a piece of me will die when he does. He such a great dog and after 12.5 years he's an integral part of my life and my happiness.
There will be another dog, there will always be dogs. I grew up with them and love having them as pets. I love hearing their nails click on the floor. I love the comfort and companionship they give me. I love spoiling them silly. I love taking them for car rides and seeing their heads out the side windows. Seeing the joy that it gives them to go for a car ride. I can totally understand why it means so much to them. They sit home all day waiting for you to come home. Besides seeing us, going for a car ride is the highlight of their day!
I am constantly wrapping my arms around Simba and telling him how much I love him and how he is such a good boy. I know he doesn't understand my words but I'm hoping he can understand my feelings. There will never be another Simba. I will enjoy every minute I have left with him.
