I managed to live through Christmas without gaining any weight, which is actually surprising since I felt like I was eating all day long the days leading up to Christmas. Mission accomplished.
Now we're in the home stretch to the new year. Tomorrow is NYE. For some reason I decided to get nostalgic and rummaged through an old box of pictures that was out in the garage.
A couple of things that I noticed:
1) I've come a long way when it comes to my weight. But more importantly, in looking back at old pics of myself from high school, through college, with my first love, and through my marriage I never once remember caring or rather obsessing with how I looked. I was anorexic thin in 8th grade, remained muscular/stocky throughout high school, gained some weight in college and just packed on the pounds when I was married. But I never let the weight stop me from wanting my picture taken. It's not until I got divorced did I really take stock of myself and my health did I start obsessing about it. Then losing close to 50 lbs and landing my now boyfriend who at the time was one of the hottest guys I've ever met, and knowing that he would never have considered me 50 lbs ago just reinforced my obsession. But just like most long term relationships, you get comfortable and slowly the weight crept back on and I gained about 30 lbs back. As soon as that weight came back, I didn't want my picture taken and I really didn't want to socialize with his friends because I was ashamed. They only knew me as being relatively thin so to be fat was embarrassing. Not that they even cared about that, but that was how I felt so I isolated myself and my boyfriend from his friends. The sad thing is that by doing that, I feel like I lost 4 years of my life, our life. I just really need to work on not making my weight define who I am.
2) I realize that I've changed so much over the years, to the point where I can't remember how I was back then. It's actually pretty scary because I can't remember a lot of things from my college years (and I didn't drink so I can't blame it on that). I see pictures of the people I went to school with and can't even remember their names or anything about when the picture was taken. Then I see pictures of my wedding and my ex and our dog and first house and feel like it was like a different lifetime. I use to cook, I was the submissive wife and I looked happy. But I was HUGE! I wasn't taking care of myself whatsoever so the smile on the outside was really hiding the misery inside. The only thing I miss from that relationship is my yellow lab Willy and seeing pictures of him as a puppy and then as a young dog makes my heart ache. He really was my baby and he will always have a place in my heart.
3) I also realize that I need to start taking more pictures to document points of time in my life. Case in point, I have only have 1 picture of me after losing 30 lbs. I mean really?! I hope to maintain this weight for a long time but there are no guarantees. I bought my boyfriend a small handheld video recorder for Christmas so we can start filming things, especially our dogs. Simba is 11 years old now and as much as I want him to live forever, I know he won't. I don't know if I'd be able to watch old videos of him after he passes but it would be nice to have.
So with the new year upon me, I have no resolutions. I don't believe in them. I just want to continue to live healthy both inside and out. There is no winning when it comes to the battle of the bulge. It will be a constant battle for me and I can accept that. I just bought some resistance bands and got the P90X workout dvds and the Physique 57 dvds to change up my workouts. I did the P90X cardio, plyometrics, and yoga dvds and they are incredibly intense which is good. I'm in excruciating pain today but I know that it's a good pain. I did find out that I have terrible balance and weak core strength and not much flexibility but I know that I just have to keep working on that. I also signed up for 2 half marathons in 2011 already to keep me motivated.
I do realize that I'm probably the best shape I have been in years and I am relishing in that. Knowing how hard I worked to get to this point a second time has made it all the more rewarding. I hope that I never forget it!!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Tis the Season
Well I survived Thanksgiving...for the most part. I thought I did enough exercising to allow me to splurge a little on my food consumption but by Monday my pants were feeling a little snug. Maybe it was all in my head but it did get me down.
I know the next 3-4 months are going to be a huge challenge for me in terms of keeping the weight off. I've been running on the treadmill for about 65 mins a day (well running most of the time). I've increased my speed to try and change it up since I'm not running as long as I use to. It's a challenge just to do an hour on that thing. Even watching my tv shows doesn't pass the time quick enough. My calorie burn according to the treadmill is around 600-650 but I guess I'm still eating too much. Ugh it's just so exhausting to consistently monitor what you eat.
I pretty much live on Subway. I eat a 6" turkey sandwich meal everyday. I calculate it to be around 500-600 calories with the chips and pop. I have two 6 oz protein shakes before lunch which is close to 300-350 calories. So by the time I get home, I've consumed almost 1000 calories. Then I work off 600 so I'm down to 400 before I eat dinner. I've concluded that dinner MUST be the problem. Honestly by dinner time I am pretty hungry. I know my problem is making my own dinner. Yeah how sad is that. I've realized I have no self control.
Since I don't like to cook or really know how to, I end up making things that are easy. Like grilled cheese sandwiches, mac n cheese. I am also obsessed with the harvest cheddar sunchips and find myself eating the whole bag in about 3 days. So I think even though it may be cheaper to go to the store and buy food in bulk, I tend to overeat when I do this. I need to just go out and buy Subway or something healthy and limit myself to that meal. Once it's gone it's gone. I'm not tempted to eat the entire bag of chips or make myself another sandwich.
I've also been adding weight training to my exercise routine. I'm using the all in one weight set that Brett has in his basement and incorporating 20 jumping jacks in between my sets to keep my heart rate up. Then I started jump roping! I bought a jump rope about 2 or 3 years ago and found that when I was heavier it hurt my knees too much to jump. But now that I've lost close to 30 pounds I could do it without the pain! But OMG! I forgot how exhausting it is to jump rope. I could only do about 30 seconds at a time before I had to stop and rest. Seriously I don't remember being this out of breath when I use to do it as a kid. Talk about a workout.
I went outside in front of Brett's house to jump. I knew everyone in the world would see me but figured they'd probably be envious that I could still jump rope (at least that's what I told myself. They were probably laughing at me). It was maybe 40 degrees out and breezy and I was only in my sweaty workout clothes. After 15 mins I was totally soaked in sweat and wiped out. I vowed to continue this routine on the weekends but suddenly last weekend my jump rope actually split in two! I guess it was made of like plastic so after constant poundings on the sidewalk it just gave. So now I need to find a new one, preferable of better quality.
Today is our first snowfall. It started last night and this morning everything is blanketed in this pretty white snow. It's still coming down. The forecast is for 2-4 inches. As pretty as it is, it's just a reminder that this is the beginning of winter. I wish I could be like a bear and pig out for a few months before I get to hibernate until spring. Oh well. I need to keep my spirits up and try my best at keeping up my battle of the bulge!
I know the next 3-4 months are going to be a huge challenge for me in terms of keeping the weight off. I've been running on the treadmill for about 65 mins a day (well running most of the time). I've increased my speed to try and change it up since I'm not running as long as I use to. It's a challenge just to do an hour on that thing. Even watching my tv shows doesn't pass the time quick enough. My calorie burn according to the treadmill is around 600-650 but I guess I'm still eating too much. Ugh it's just so exhausting to consistently monitor what you eat.
I pretty much live on Subway. I eat a 6" turkey sandwich meal everyday. I calculate it to be around 500-600 calories with the chips and pop. I have two 6 oz protein shakes before lunch which is close to 300-350 calories. So by the time I get home, I've consumed almost 1000 calories. Then I work off 600 so I'm down to 400 before I eat dinner. I've concluded that dinner MUST be the problem. Honestly by dinner time I am pretty hungry. I know my problem is making my own dinner. Yeah how sad is that. I've realized I have no self control.
Since I don't like to cook or really know how to, I end up making things that are easy. Like grilled cheese sandwiches, mac n cheese. I am also obsessed with the harvest cheddar sunchips and find myself eating the whole bag in about 3 days. So I think even though it may be cheaper to go to the store and buy food in bulk, I tend to overeat when I do this. I need to just go out and buy Subway or something healthy and limit myself to that meal. Once it's gone it's gone. I'm not tempted to eat the entire bag of chips or make myself another sandwich.
I've also been adding weight training to my exercise routine. I'm using the all in one weight set that Brett has in his basement and incorporating 20 jumping jacks in between my sets to keep my heart rate up. Then I started jump roping! I bought a jump rope about 2 or 3 years ago and found that when I was heavier it hurt my knees too much to jump. But now that I've lost close to 30 pounds I could do it without the pain! But OMG! I forgot how exhausting it is to jump rope. I could only do about 30 seconds at a time before I had to stop and rest. Seriously I don't remember being this out of breath when I use to do it as a kid. Talk about a workout.
I went outside in front of Brett's house to jump. I knew everyone in the world would see me but figured they'd probably be envious that I could still jump rope (at least that's what I told myself. They were probably laughing at me). It was maybe 40 degrees out and breezy and I was only in my sweaty workout clothes. After 15 mins I was totally soaked in sweat and wiped out. I vowed to continue this routine on the weekends but suddenly last weekend my jump rope actually split in two! I guess it was made of like plastic so after constant poundings on the sidewalk it just gave. So now I need to find a new one, preferable of better quality.
Today is our first snowfall. It started last night and this morning everything is blanketed in this pretty white snow. It's still coming down. The forecast is for 2-4 inches. As pretty as it is, it's just a reminder that this is the beginning of winter. I wish I could be like a bear and pig out for a few months before I get to hibernate until spring. Oh well. I need to keep my spirits up and try my best at keeping up my battle of the bulge!
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