I need to get the word "diet" out of my head. I need to think "lifestyle change" instead because really, that's what it is right?
When I think diet, I think of a short term thing, a means to an end but with my body type, there is no end. I will never be able to eat whatever I want and not gain weight, especially when it comes to sugar.
I decided to splurge today and have my chocolate ice cream. I knew ahead of time that I was going to feel super guilty and probably physically ill but I just had to have it. I've been thinking about it for weeks and figured today was as good of a day as any so I did.
I didn't get my favorite Oberweis, instead opting for my usual convenient second choice of DQ. I went for a small (as if it mattered) m&m blizzard with chocolate ice cream, the standard fare. (I don't care what new flavors come out, I barely even look at the menu to check because I know what I like and I get it EVERY single time :)
So I go home, turn on the tv to add insult to injury (nothing like a picture of health right?) and indulge. Only it didn't taste as good as I remember. I was IN LOVE with this treat practically eating it on a weekly (sometimes bi-weekly) basis (thus the 30 lbs weight gain). I think it's true that once you wean yourself off of this sugar kryptonite your taste buds change.
I'm beginning to think that this whole "lifestyle change" is truly mental. My brain remembers the happy feeling I use to get when I ate this but my body is like "eh, it's not all it's cracked up to be". Which is a good thing. I really don't want to go back to eating this stuff. I feel a million times better staying off of it.
So now I know. I've done it. I'll pay the poundage price for doing it but I don't have plans on doing it again anytime soon.
I've also concluded that I'm "over training", or in other words I'm obsessing about exercising. I've been there many times before so you'd think that I'd learn but like my Dad, I have a little OCD. I feel like more is better but in the end, it's not doing my body any good. I know my body needs a few days rest to recoup. It's just that the weather is exactly how I like it, hot and humid so it's hard to resist. But tomorrow is suppose to be 91, clear blue skies and humid...PERFECT!! Time to redeem myself!!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
July 13, 2010 - Week 8
Lost a whopping .4 lbs. Yeah, I guess I deserved that after Sunday but still, it hurts. I know there are many reasons why the numbers aren't higher but at the end of the day, I know I've lost inches and again, that's what really matters....at least I have to keep convincing myself of that.
I think this is my last week of purchasing the IP products. They are just too expensive and at the rate of my weight loss so far, I think I can proceed on my own. It's a scary proposition because that makes it THAT MUCH easier to go back to my old habits but I'm still determined. I'm going to have to do this on my own eventually.
I've come to realize that I will never ever be able to eat with abandon. I very much miss my ice cream especially since this summer has been so perfect (heat wise) for enjoying an ice cold chocolate shake or m&m blizzard :) These treats just cannot be enjoyed on a weekly (or daily) basis. They will have to remain the "every once in a long while" type treats.
So I'll finish up the IP product that I currently have, take my measurements and weigh myself next week and take it from there. I'm confident I have learned enough from these last 7 weeks to do this on my own. My goal is still to get into a size 8 jean but I do need to modify the diet to allow a little bit of cheating so that I don't experience another Sunday like last Sunday!! And I will alter my workouts to 60 mins instead of 2 hrs so I can increase the intensity. Sometimes more is not always better. We'll see how it goes!!
I think this is my last week of purchasing the IP products. They are just too expensive and at the rate of my weight loss so far, I think I can proceed on my own. It's a scary proposition because that makes it THAT MUCH easier to go back to my old habits but I'm still determined. I'm going to have to do this on my own eventually.
I've come to realize that I will never ever be able to eat with abandon. I very much miss my ice cream especially since this summer has been so perfect (heat wise) for enjoying an ice cold chocolate shake or m&m blizzard :) These treats just cannot be enjoyed on a weekly (or daily) basis. They will have to remain the "every once in a long while" type treats.
So I'll finish up the IP product that I currently have, take my measurements and weigh myself next week and take it from there. I'm confident I have learned enough from these last 7 weeks to do this on my own. My goal is still to get into a size 8 jean but I do need to modify the diet to allow a little bit of cheating so that I don't experience another Sunday like last Sunday!! And I will alter my workouts to 60 mins instead of 2 hrs so I can increase the intensity. Sometimes more is not always better. We'll see how it goes!!
Monday, July 12, 2010
July 12 - Monday - finishing up week 7
So I ended week 7 with a bang and not a good bang. I pigged out yesterday!! I knew all week long that we were going on Carrabbas on Sunday for dinner because I had a $50 gift card burning a hole in my wallet. It's one of my favorite restaurants and I knew I was going to be bad. But not as bad as I ended up being!
Somehow the task of eating got away from me yesterday. Now when I was on a carb heavy diet, it was nearly impossible for me to go more than 3 or 4 hrs without eating or I felt like I would faint. So I had my protein cereal around 8:30, then jogged 3.6 miles, then immediately went over to Allison's house for a couple of hours of soaking up the sun in her pool, then ran back over to Brett's house to jump in the shower and leave for a movie. We get to the movies around 3 and I was totally up for a little snack (but not too much knowing what was waiting for me for dinner) but this movie theater did not have pretzel bites. So I decided to wait until dinner. By the time we get to Carrabbas, it was almost 6 pm and I was ravished. This is soo bad for so many reasons. My main concern was that I now put my body in starvation mode so all this good food I'm about to eat is probably going to go straight into fat storing mode.
At this point, I did not care, which is another reason not to go this long without eating. So as soon as the awesome tasting loaf of bread and herbs and oil comes out, I'm digging in. The slices are small but I did have 3 of them. Then came the two apps that we ordered. I had one mini skewer of caprese which is sliced up grape tomatoes, chesse and pesto sauce. Then a meatball. Then my chicken soup. Then my main meal which was the best tasting 4 cheese pizza with italian sausage. It's on this thin crispy dough and I ate 4 out of the 8 pieces. I could have eaten all of it but I was going to get dessert!!! They have this awesome chocolate brownie type dessert and at this point, I'm going all out. In the past I may have eaten 3 or 4 bites and Brett would eat the rest. This time, I think I ate most of it. All I know is that the plate was pretty much licked clean.
When all was said and done, I felt like I was about to explode and of course I felt super guilty. I couldn't even justify it by saying that it was pretty much my only meal of the day. But it was D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!! Every single bite was awesome. So in the end, yes, I blew my diet to shreds but it was worth it. It scares me a little because I can see how easily it would be to fall off the wagon and onto the fat farm. I just keep on thinking about how far I've come and how exciting it is to finally start fitting into my "skinny" clothes again (I tried on my size 12 white jeans on Sunday and they fit, albeit a little snug but I was able to button them and wore them out!! Most women know that white clothing is the most unforgiving, there's no way to hide those rolls or dimples like you can with black clothing). It's those accomplishments that keep me in this til the end!
I'm hopeful but slightly terrified of tomorrow's weigh in....
Somehow the task of eating got away from me yesterday. Now when I was on a carb heavy diet, it was nearly impossible for me to go more than 3 or 4 hrs without eating or I felt like I would faint. So I had my protein cereal around 8:30, then jogged 3.6 miles, then immediately went over to Allison's house for a couple of hours of soaking up the sun in her pool, then ran back over to Brett's house to jump in the shower and leave for a movie. We get to the movies around 3 and I was totally up for a little snack (but not too much knowing what was waiting for me for dinner) but this movie theater did not have pretzel bites. So I decided to wait until dinner. By the time we get to Carrabbas, it was almost 6 pm and I was ravished. This is soo bad for so many reasons. My main concern was that I now put my body in starvation mode so all this good food I'm about to eat is probably going to go straight into fat storing mode.
At this point, I did not care, which is another reason not to go this long without eating. So as soon as the awesome tasting loaf of bread and herbs and oil comes out, I'm digging in. The slices are small but I did have 3 of them. Then came the two apps that we ordered. I had one mini skewer of caprese which is sliced up grape tomatoes, chesse and pesto sauce. Then a meatball. Then my chicken soup. Then my main meal which was the best tasting 4 cheese pizza with italian sausage. It's on this thin crispy dough and I ate 4 out of the 8 pieces. I could have eaten all of it but I was going to get dessert!!! They have this awesome chocolate brownie type dessert and at this point, I'm going all out. In the past I may have eaten 3 or 4 bites and Brett would eat the rest. This time, I think I ate most of it. All I know is that the plate was pretty much licked clean.
When all was said and done, I felt like I was about to explode and of course I felt super guilty. I couldn't even justify it by saying that it was pretty much my only meal of the day. But it was D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!! Every single bite was awesome. So in the end, yes, I blew my diet to shreds but it was worth it. It scares me a little because I can see how easily it would be to fall off the wagon and onto the fat farm. I just keep on thinking about how far I've come and how exciting it is to finally start fitting into my "skinny" clothes again (I tried on my size 12 white jeans on Sunday and they fit, albeit a little snug but I was able to button them and wore them out!! Most women know that white clothing is the most unforgiving, there's no way to hide those rolls or dimples like you can with black clothing). It's those accomplishments that keep me in this til the end!
I'm hopeful but slightly terrified of tomorrow's weigh in....
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
July 6, 2010 - Week 7
Lost 2.2 lbs this past week. Not stellar but I'll take it. I'm now down 18.5 lbs in 6 weeks which is an average of 3 lbs per week. Considering that I haven't been following the diet to the "T", I think I'm doing pretty good.
I've reached my point of saturation. I'm getting bored with eating chicken breasts or plain burgers and the only veggies I'm eating are salads with the usual tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, etc. I'm really liking Subway's salads. I'm also not using my diet salad dressing. I'm BARELY using the regular stuff, just a touch to give it some taste. I figure I'm going to have to learn to start eating in moderation for when I go off this phase so what the heck. I don't think I'm going to learn to like diet dressing.
I am still majorly craving pizza. I wasthisclose to just getting a small pizza after my weigh in...yeah I know, pretty pathetic. I was justifying it in my mind by telling myself that if I cheat tonight then I have a whole week to make up for it!! But I did not. I went to Meijer, got my chicken breasts and salad ingredients. I did buy ham steaks...yeah never heard of them either but all it is is a thick slice of ham. It was pretty good, although a little too salty. But at least it was differnt than chicken. I did cook the chicken since that will be my meal for the next 3 days. Yay.
What's funny is that I ask Dr. Sam (Samantha) if I look like I weigh 180 lbs. She shook her head with an emphatic NO. She said that the numbers on the scale really don't matter, it's the inches. I couldn't agree more! Which the devil on my shoulder then started whispering to me that if that is the case, then maybe my goal should be to get into a size 8 jeans....not necessarily getting down to 149 lbs. With the hope that I don't have to weigh 149 lbs in order to fit in those size 8's :)
I'm not sure what size I am now since pant sizes vary so much. I am wearing some pants that are a 12 but not sure about jeans. I know my dress pants are a size 16 and they are practically falling off of me (which I secretly like because all day long I revel in my success!) It is getting harder to stick to the plan. Brett doesn't help the cause when he tries talking me into cheating. Not in a bad way but just to live a little on the weekends since I'm so hard core during the week. At this point, it's an easy argument for me to cave into but he does have a point. I still concede that I'm not eating enough which is why I'm not averaging more than 3 lbs per week. Plus I'm walking almost 2 hours a day so in reality, my body can use a few carbs. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO TOTALLY SABOTAGE ALL MY HARD WORK! That sticks in my mind and curbs me from going crazy.
Doing this is not easy. Yes, you get use to it but a part of me will always want what I can't have. Be it the pizza with cheese and pepperoni, or an Oberwies chocolate shake made with chocolate ice cream. I will have my chocolate shake one day before summer ends. I'm just afraid that since I have not had any sugar for so long that the shake may not taste as good as I remember....noooooo that's impossible. Chocolate will always taste as good as I remember!
I've reached my point of saturation. I'm getting bored with eating chicken breasts or plain burgers and the only veggies I'm eating are salads with the usual tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, etc. I'm really liking Subway's salads. I'm also not using my diet salad dressing. I'm BARELY using the regular stuff, just a touch to give it some taste. I figure I'm going to have to learn to start eating in moderation for when I go off this phase so what the heck. I don't think I'm going to learn to like diet dressing.
I am still majorly craving pizza. I wasthisclose to just getting a small pizza after my weigh in...yeah I know, pretty pathetic. I was justifying it in my mind by telling myself that if I cheat tonight then I have a whole week to make up for it!! But I did not. I went to Meijer, got my chicken breasts and salad ingredients. I did buy ham steaks...yeah never heard of them either but all it is is a thick slice of ham. It was pretty good, although a little too salty. But at least it was differnt than chicken. I did cook the chicken since that will be my meal for the next 3 days. Yay.
What's funny is that I ask Dr. Sam (Samantha) if I look like I weigh 180 lbs. She shook her head with an emphatic NO. She said that the numbers on the scale really don't matter, it's the inches. I couldn't agree more! Which the devil on my shoulder then started whispering to me that if that is the case, then maybe my goal should be to get into a size 8 jeans....not necessarily getting down to 149 lbs. With the hope that I don't have to weigh 149 lbs in order to fit in those size 8's :)
I'm not sure what size I am now since pant sizes vary so much. I am wearing some pants that are a 12 but not sure about jeans. I know my dress pants are a size 16 and they are practically falling off of me (which I secretly like because all day long I revel in my success!) It is getting harder to stick to the plan. Brett doesn't help the cause when he tries talking me into cheating. Not in a bad way but just to live a little on the weekends since I'm so hard core during the week. At this point, it's an easy argument for me to cave into but he does have a point. I still concede that I'm not eating enough which is why I'm not averaging more than 3 lbs per week. Plus I'm walking almost 2 hours a day so in reality, my body can use a few carbs. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO TOTALLY SABOTAGE ALL MY HARD WORK! That sticks in my mind and curbs me from going crazy.
Doing this is not easy. Yes, you get use to it but a part of me will always want what I can't have. Be it the pizza with cheese and pepperoni, or an Oberwies chocolate shake made with chocolate ice cream. I will have my chocolate shake one day before summer ends. I'm just afraid that since I have not had any sugar for so long that the shake may not taste as good as I remember....noooooo that's impossible. Chocolate will always taste as good as I remember!
Friday, July 2, 2010
July 2, 2010 - THE PERFECT SUMMER DAY
Today was the absolute perfect summer day. It is the type of day that I live for. Bright blue sky, not a cloud in sight, sun blazing, gentle breezes, 83 degrees, seriously it doesn't get any better than this.
I went walking along my favorite trail. It is perfect in every sense of the word. It's close to Brett's house, it's 3.6 miles around so two laps is doable, it has the perfect balance of shade and sun as you walk along the trail and because it's in a forest preserve, the landscape is gorgeous. It's God's work through and through. Occasionally I see deer walking across the path not more than 10 feet in front of me. I think I saw a fox the other day (that scared me a little). There are birds everywhere singing. It's like the forest where Bambi was born!! LOL! And I feel safe there. Not that I don't still look over my shoulder or check my surroundings, I know that nowhere in this day in age is completely safe, but I've never had a problem (hope I don't jinx myself). Almost everybody that uses the trail is polite and friendly. Everybody is there for one purpose, to exercise. And everybody keeps to themselves. Those who know me totally understand where I'm coming from :)
As I walked my second lap, I was not only soaking up the sun, but soaking up the beautiful nature of it all. I feel so blessed in so many ways. Just being physically able to walk or jog, to be able to appreciate the beauty, to easily breathe in the fresh air, to see clearly, all things that some people take for granted. I've learned that your health is something to NEVER take for granted. I pray for those who are in constant pain, who can't walk or see or hear, who have to rely on medications to stay alive. I pray that I never forget to thank God for blessing me with good health.
Halfway around the trail I came upon these two marshes which are on both sides of the path and right in front of me this mother duck and her 3 baby ducklings came out of the one side and waddled (quickly because she saw me coming) to the other side. OMG was it the cutest thing ever. It's little things like that that I treasure.
I must be hormonal since I feel so emotional today :) I just wanted to document days like this because I realize that life is short. And around here, summer is short as well. So far, this has been the best summer weather we've had in a while even though we've had some pretty bad storms, the weather is like Florida so I expect the storms. But the storms come and then they're gone by the next day. It's not like last summer where the temp on July 4th was barely 60 degrees! I was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans at 2pm on the 4th of July. Seriously. That's ridiculous. Winters can start in October and run through May! Like last year. I don't think it barely made it out of the 70's from June - Aug.
So I will relish this summer and take in all it's glory while it lasts. I'm hoping it lasts through December :)
I went walking along my favorite trail. It is perfect in every sense of the word. It's close to Brett's house, it's 3.6 miles around so two laps is doable, it has the perfect balance of shade and sun as you walk along the trail and because it's in a forest preserve, the landscape is gorgeous. It's God's work through and through. Occasionally I see deer walking across the path not more than 10 feet in front of me. I think I saw a fox the other day (that scared me a little). There are birds everywhere singing. It's like the forest where Bambi was born!! LOL! And I feel safe there. Not that I don't still look over my shoulder or check my surroundings, I know that nowhere in this day in age is completely safe, but I've never had a problem (hope I don't jinx myself). Almost everybody that uses the trail is polite and friendly. Everybody is there for one purpose, to exercise. And everybody keeps to themselves. Those who know me totally understand where I'm coming from :)
As I walked my second lap, I was not only soaking up the sun, but soaking up the beautiful nature of it all. I feel so blessed in so many ways. Just being physically able to walk or jog, to be able to appreciate the beauty, to easily breathe in the fresh air, to see clearly, all things that some people take for granted. I've learned that your health is something to NEVER take for granted. I pray for those who are in constant pain, who can't walk or see or hear, who have to rely on medications to stay alive. I pray that I never forget to thank God for blessing me with good health.
Halfway around the trail I came upon these two marshes which are on both sides of the path and right in front of me this mother duck and her 3 baby ducklings came out of the one side and waddled (quickly because she saw me coming) to the other side. OMG was it the cutest thing ever. It's little things like that that I treasure.
I must be hormonal since I feel so emotional today :) I just wanted to document days like this because I realize that life is short. And around here, summer is short as well. So far, this has been the best summer weather we've had in a while even though we've had some pretty bad storms, the weather is like Florida so I expect the storms. But the storms come and then they're gone by the next day. It's not like last summer where the temp on July 4th was barely 60 degrees! I was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans at 2pm on the 4th of July. Seriously. That's ridiculous. Winters can start in October and run through May! Like last year. I don't think it barely made it out of the 70's from June - Aug.
So I will relish this summer and take in all it's glory while it lasts. I'm hoping it lasts through December :)
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