Friday July 16th

I need to get the word "diet" out of my head. I need to think "lifestyle change" instead because really, that's what it is right?

When I think diet, I think of a short term thing, a means to an end but with my body type, there is no end. I will never be able to eat whatever I want and not gain weight, especially when it comes to sugar.

I decided to splurge today and have my chocolate ice cream. I knew ahead of time that I was going to feel super guilty and probably physically ill but I just had to have it. I've been thinking about it for weeks and figured today was as good of a day as any so I did.

I didn't get my favorite Oberweis, instead opting for my usual convenient second choice of DQ. I went for a small (as if it mattered) m&m blizzard with chocolate ice cream, the standard fare. (I don't care what new flavors come out, I barely even look at the menu to check because I know what I like and I get it EVERY single time :)

So I go home, turn on the tv to add insult to injury (nothing like a picture of health right?) and indulge. Only it didn't taste as good as I remember. I was IN LOVE with this treat practically eating it on a weekly (sometimes bi-weekly) basis (thus the 30 lbs weight gain). I think it's true that once you wean yourself off of this sugar kryptonite your taste buds change.

I'm beginning to think that this whole "lifestyle change" is truly mental. My brain remembers the happy feeling I use to get when I ate this but my body is like "eh, it's not all it's cracked up to be". Which is a good thing. I really don't want to go back to eating this stuff. I feel a million times better staying off of it.

So now I know. I've done it. I'll pay the poundage price for doing it but I don't have plans on doing it again anytime soon.

I've also concluded that I'm "over training", or in other words I'm obsessing about exercising. I've been there many times before so you'd think that I'd learn but like my Dad, I have a little OCD. I feel like more is better but in the end, it's not doing my body any good. I know my body needs a few days rest to recoup. It's just that the weather is exactly how I like it, hot and humid so it's hard to resist. But tomorrow is suppose to be 91, clear blue skies and humid...PERFECT!! Time to redeem myself!!